Post by Lindsey on Jun 4, 2011 2:18:36 GMT -5
Hello Fellow Members,
Just over a month ago, the day after Easter, April 25, 2011, my Grandfather, passed away. A man I have loved all my life, who I selfishly begged God to let stay on this earth for my Wedding. The man held my heart and I loved him so much. Sometimes I wished both my Grandfather and Father gave me away, because he meant that much to me.
Well, at the beginning of April I found out I was Pregnant with his Ninth Great Grandchild. Even those two of the eight presently are not his blood Great-Grandchild, he accepted them and loved them no differently. When he found out I was given him one, he was so excited, from what I had heard from my parents and grandmother. He talked about it constantly and when I heard, I had to cry because he would never get to hold said Child.
Well, my family has always had problems, they have fought always, but at one point, they at least tried to get along, but the past few years, it has been hatred towards each other, death threats, disowning and it is killing me now as it truly hits me hard. I realized I should have called more, since he was in Alabama and I am in Hawai'i living with my husband who is in the Military. It has gotten to the point, from my view, that my family is falling apart. I can't talk about one without being bombarded with death threats from another, my brother is even starting now and we are the young in our generation...
My Brother and I were late in our grandparents life. My grandfather was 63 when I was born and my grandmother was 61 years old. Add about two years on that and you have my brother's birth and they are just a couple years older. My cousins, they were near 15 plus years older then us all, so we were spoiled as you can tell and all through my life, I begged God to let him see me graduate High School and then when I met the man of my dreams, Selfishly asked for him to be at my wedding... I wish I had been selfish again and asked for him to see his Great-Grandchild.
I know God gives and he takes, I know I must take with a open hand, but it has now been ripped and I know it was to make room for something better, which may be the Grandchild, I don't know, but now that he is gone, I just want my family to be a family again. Sure, I have my parents and brother, but it feels like everything else is slipping away. I have cried for three days over this and it ain't getting better. I put my feelings in a note to everyone and instead of realizing that I am right and I have had a lot of people say I am right, I feel like those who don't want to see it are spiting in my face...
Right now, it feels like the only home I have is my Grandfather's Grave site, my grandmother house, my house back in Alabama, my house in Hawai'i, and Heaven and I wish the last would get here sooner rather then later. I really want to see my Creator and my Grandfather again, it feels like my heart has broken. I can't find happiness in much of anything, because I want to call him and I can't anymore. My grandmother, she does not want to talk to me now because I told the truth and she is upset.
I don't want the Prayer for me, I want it for my family, the last thing I want is for it to come to me, because right now, the true blessing on me would be my family being a family. The stress is not good for me and at this point, I am only speaking to my mother, father, and Brother, along with my mother's side, because they are my good side and always will be.